'Cause That Pizza Hankering Just Won't Quit


Wait. I have to give up my cheese? Oh, hellll no.

For most of us, the hardest thing about going vegan is parting with our friends like Brie, Gouda, Cheddar and Haloumi. I'm from Wisconsin and cheese is a part of my friggin' cultural heritage - they don’t call us cheeseheads for nothing.

Part of the problem for you bitches that live in rural areas is that vegan cheeses can be scarcer than a move star sighting. Not only are they hard to find, but most seem reminiscent of rubbery, dried kindergarten paste.

Maybe you’ve tried them: the ones that don’t melt, the ones that look wrong, the ones that taste and smell funny or the ones that you wouldn’t dare serve to your carnivorous in-laws.

In a word: gross.

Scary Dairy

In case you’re unaware of the cruelties inherent in the dairy industry, cows are basically forced to spend their lives pregnant, genetically manipulated, doped up with BGH (bovine growth hormone), flooded with antibiotics or other hormones and milked intensively. It ain't pretty, ladies.

Calves are taken from their mothers within a day of being born. Females are destined to the same fate as their mothers and males, considered a "by-product" of the industry, are sentenced to confinement in veal crates, fattened in barren lots or just slaughtered at birth.


Got Disease?

The antibiotics and growth hormones in cows eventually make their way into our own bodies, leading to drug-resistant superbugs and girls getting their periods at age 9.

Side note: No female who's at the age where boys are still gross should have to worry about bringing tampons to school in her backpack.

But, My Shit's Organic

While organic dairy might alleviate some of these issues, animals from the organic dairy industry are still raised to produce food and slaughtered when they’re done. Plus, you’re still getting a side of mucus with your meal.

Still want that block of pepper jack?

Currently, 30 to 50 million Americans suffer from a lactose intolerance and it's been estimated that around 90 percent of the entire world actually suffers from this "condition." Is it safe to assume humans weren't originally "designed" to digest dairy? We think so.

What the Hell Do I Buy?
 
With vegan cheese, you don’t have to worry about any of that. But, what the hell do I buy?  There are a couple of vegan cheese contenders worth trying:

Daiya, somewhat of a newbie on the market, is a tad different than most vegan cheeses in that it's not made with casein (the milk protein found in dairy products or soy and an ingredient in many other non-dairy cheeses). It tends to melt better than others and comes in a whole bunch of yummy flavors.

Follow Your Heart - the people that brought us veganaise - make a mozzarella that's good on sandwiches or sprinkled over salads. However, it can be tough to melt if you're making pizza or other cheesy dishes.

All in all, look for vegan cheeses without casein, whey, rennet and that have vegetarian sources of lactic acid. Use them on pizzas, pasta dishes, casseroles or sprinkled over salads.

Cruelty-free cheese without the nasty by-products? Now that’s something for cows to moo over.

The Verdict

Pros: Tasty, versatile and generally easy to find both at Whole Foods or health food stores.

Cons: Neither are very tasty straight out of the bag and Follow Your Heart's doesn't melt that well.

What do you think about vegan cheese? Can you go without? What products do you love? Help a bitch out and let us know in the comments section below!

Liz Farrington, Features Editor
A vegetarian who wishes she could stay vegan, Liz is a media professional and former editor at several fitness and lifestyle publications throughout Southern California. Now principal in Farrington Communications, she does sales, marketing, writing and editing for a range of clients. When she’s not shopping for leather-free handbags or deciding which companies to boycott, the Las Vegas resident enjoys following liberal politics, detoxing at the co-op, scoping farmers’ markets and volunteering for animal rescue.