For many, even the slight mention of “office politics” makes us roll our eyes and huff like a Valley Girl. 

It’s hard to focus on getting the job done when your new marketing assistant has no skills beyond dipping the pen in the CEO’s ink, and the dude you’re up against for the director position is one-upping you with Lakers' season tickets. The hiring manager just happens to be a Lakers diehard.  Just your luck.

But the truth is, it doesn’t have to be all bad.  Wikipedia has a couple of definitions that go beyond the usual power wielding, sucking up, two-faced activity that most of us associate with staying ahead of the game at work.

Office Politics
1. How power gets worked out on a practical, day-to-day basis.
2. The way co-workers act among each other.

These can be either positive or negative.  We all know the negative, let’s look at it from the positive.  According to Beth Weissenberger, founder of The Handel Group, there is no such thing as not engaging in office politics.

“When people say they don't play the political game, what they are really saying (though they probably don't realize it) is that they have figured out their place in the company and that's where they are going to stay,”  says Weissenberger.

That ladies...is office politics, too.

It’s All About Relationships
Getting to know the people you work with is crucial to keeping your job and even more so to moving ahead.  This doesn’t mean partying your brains out after work every night - it means developing a solid working relationship through participation and being open to opportunities where you might get to share your ideas.  How do you do this?  Well, it usually means stepping out of your comfort zone and taking what feels like an emotional risk. If you don’t raise your hand, honey, no one knows who the hell you are.

Here are a few simple ways you can start to cultivate office relationships that can put you in a good position to take advantage of promotions, significant projects and an overall better work environment:

Network with people above and below you. This includes company events, asking people to lunch or coffee, initiating activities, remembering birthdays and making time for a hallway chat.  And of course, social networking via Linkedin, Twitter, Facebook and others.

Find your people. Allies are a great way to cultivate your ideas and get them heard.  Remember, this is a two-way street.  You need to be a good listener, too.

Offer favors. Before you can ask your allies for too much, you need to be available to support them with what they need.  While this may sound manipulative, you wouldn’t think twice about doing it for a friend.  It’s how the world works so stop resenting it, and get on with your life.

Figure out what you want and the next steps to getting it. If it’s a promotion you desire, find out how it works in your office and how best to go about working towards that.  If you need help from another department, make time (over coffee or lunch) to explain what you need and ask if they might be interested in participating.  Knowledge is power.

Find a mentor. There are very few people on this planet who would not be flattered by a request for mentorship.  They feel good and you get to learn from someone you admire.  It’s a win-win.

Speak up. This is particularly hard for many, but it’s essential.  You don’t have to yell your ideas, just join in the conversation and have an opinion that focuses more on solution and less on what sucks.

Quit taking everything so freakin’ personal. Some people just won’t want to help you with your goals and pursuits.  That’s also how the world works.  If someone behaves badly, it usually means they’re to full of fear trying to save their own hide.  Forgive and move on – being the bigger person actually does make you bigger.

For more, visit www.officepolitics.com- an entire Web site devoted to this topic, where you can submit questions that pertain to your individual situation and get answers from experts.

Julie Foreman Hayes, SELF Feature Editor
Julie is the co-author of Green My Parents,  a sustainability manual for kids, a team member for green business giant Opportunity Green and a writer and marketing consultant for all things healthy, wealthy and sustainable at Funnygreen.com. She is a Los  Angeles native and is working daily on becoming a better vegetarian.