Beat the post-holiday blues

The whole “new year, new you” thing just never rang your bell.

In your book, January means no more sparkle, no more parties, and way more emotional fall-out from stressful, dysfunctional family gatherings.

With Dad’s new wife, Mom’s 26 year-old “hunk” and that cousin who still calls you more to love (even though you’ve been tall and slim since 10th grade), January might seem like a great month to invest in therapy.

If the thought of spilling your guts to a stranger makes you run screaming, or if you’re already in therapy but don’t want to double those billable hours, these tips might help you to gain some perspective.

To Everything, Turn, Turn...

Yeah, you know the song. The Byrds were onto something. Harvard Medical School Psychiatrist, Dr. John Sharp, has written a new book called The Emotional Calendar, which explains how regular personal anniversaries (the death of a loved one), seasonal changes (the lack of light in winter), and cultural expectations (tax season) can have a consistent and predictable impact on our emotional selves year after year. He suggests that learning how to recognize and plan for our own personal milestones can help us overcome negative patterns, emotional pitfalls and destructive behaviors.  

Dr. Sharp suggests that January is the perfect time to nurture ourselves, reflect on our yearly “trigger times” and make a plan for how we might approach these times in the coming year. Example: if the holidays bum you out every year, plan a trip to a warm, sunny place during that time. Give yourself the freedom and permission to change the pattern that causes you pain and create a new reality for yourself.

Here are five tips for getting started:

1. Take a seasonal approach. Review recurring emotional patterns that affect you in Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. Think of the seasons as four distinctive worlds and consider what could work better for you this year during each season.
2. Discover what is authentic to you, about yourself in each season. Find the positives. Look out for and recognize 'happy' triggers as well as negatives ones. Focus more energy on things you enjoy to help lighten the impact of more stressful events.
3. Look for and find seasonal inspiration. Ask how you are typically affected by the sights, sounds, tastes, smells, and feel of each season – if you identify negatives, think about what you could do to create positives.
4. Consider identifying a mentor. A winter mentor, for example, is someone who seems in tune with what the season offers and who can serve as a seasonal guide. They can help you “try on” a new approach to an old idea.
5. Make a commitment to take especially good care of yourself this year. Check in with yourself and review your plan regularly to see how you are progressing and what’s coming in the next season.

Or, you can move to LA, where everyone's in a fantastic mood year-round. Just kidding – January is LA’s rainy season, believe it or not.

Go here for more information on Dr. Sharp and his book.


Julie Foreman Hayes, SELF Feature Editor
Julie is the co-author of Green My Parents, a sustainability manual for kids, a team member for green business giant Opportunity Green and a writer and marketing consultant for all things healthy, wealthy and sustainable at Funnygreen.com. She is a Los  Angeles native and is working daily on becoming a better vegetarian.